Indian Media Bash Blog

Ever since cable TV entered India, your local cable TV operator has been an integral part of your cable TV experience. In the past few years, many of these operators have ventured into the local cable internet arena but thankfully, Airtel and BSNL are checking their progress to a large extent.

At my current residence(~12 years), the cable operator who provides the connections is Incable(part of the hinduja group).

Until a few years ago, I didn’t have a bone to pick with my cable operator. IT was only after my return from the US that I realized how pathetic Indian cable TV is. For the past 5 years, the no. of TV channels has been increasing at a steady rate. But a lot of those have come at the cost of other channels. This is because we have HF, VHF and UHF bands. HF can accommodate 1/2 the no. of channels VHF can and VHF can accommodate 60 % of UHF’s channels. So you are looking at about 70 channels in all 3 bands. We bumped past this limit sometime in 2002. Since then its been a game of musical chairs to accommodate new channels and those channels demanded by the viewers. Being in Karnataka, this has lead to some tensions between me, my cable operator and my cable TV company. I have not watched any hindi or regional(tamil, malayalam, telugu, marathi…) for the past 9 years. None of the first 50 channels on my TV are among those. And unfortunately, these are the channels that are dime a dozen on my cable lineup. So when cricket matches are broadcast on Sony(not tuned), instead of ESPN, I am presented with 6-8 hours of cricket(which I stopped watching 6 years back) and hindi TV programs the rest of the time. And this remains in place until the series is over or ESPN again the fancy of my cable TV company.

The argument is that some poor old family with a black and white TV set can only receive HF, therefore, for their convenience; we are going to inconvenience everybody with normal TV sets. And this in urban Bangalore, where corollas are more common than chetaks. After I returned, I have taken to watching foreign TV with a vengeance. In 2002-2003, Bloomberg was my most watched channel. After my cable company played musical chairs with Bloomberg, I stuck to CNBC after midnight(US programming). Since 03, I have moved on to DW-TV(Deutsche Welle). Broadcast by the German Govt but totally independent, my TV viewing revolved around this channel. So whenever this channel disappeared, an irate caller would pester the cable operator and company, asking them to restore this channel. Some time in 2002, I first started watching TV5 Asia. This is the French channel broadcast by its Govt. It has French movies with English subtitles shown in the afternoons and evenings. And because of that, this channel is quite important to me. And in the past year, the Japanese TV channel(broadcast by its Govt), NHK has become one of my favorites too. I don’t watch much of its weekly programming but its weekend programs are quite interesting(and broadcast in English).

These very channels are of no significance to my cable TV company. Instead for a few years, the cable lineup included Saudi TV. Yes, The deluded Saudi TV. The Religious Policeman has done a devastating job of describing this channel and I’ll defer to his description(http://muttawa.blogspot.com/2004/04/reality-tv-spreads-vice.html).

Saudi TV is so mind-numbingly tedious. Remember the most boring person that you ever met in your whole life. Then imagine that he or she produced TV programs. Then have them presented by people being treated for clinical depression, reading out their own suicide notes. Then take out all the excitement and humor. That’s Saudi TV. You’ll have more fun in a cryogenic chamber.

Let’s see what’s on Saudi Channel 1. Ah, it’s some Imam explaining an obscure passage in the Quraan. OK, switch to Channel 2. Oh, that’s a coincidence, another Imam explaining another obscure passage from the Quraan (and believe me, the Quraan is full of obscure passages). OK, I’ll fall asleep for an hour. Wake up. Oh look, there’s a soccer match between two third-rate teams, looks like they all just came off life support, and I can count eleven people in the stands. Switch back to Channel 1. Oh good, the News. The Moroccan Foreign Minister has come on a visit. Cut to newsreel of various Moroccan diplomats and Saudi princes all sitting around in big chairs, drinking tea and looking very uncomfortable.

Background music is “Oh what a wonderful world” (I kid you not!). This goes on for at least a minute. Cut to announcer. Prince Sultan has arrived back in Riyadh from somewhere. Cut to scene at airport as Prince Sultan steps down from his Saudi Airlines plane (”I think the 747-400 today, Ahmed”) and is greeted by at least three dozen royal family parasites and hangers-on. They all approach him and kiss him on the right shoulder. We watch every one. This goes on for at least five minutes. Time for another sleep…. ”

This channel got more priority than the French or German channels. So, because of our slightly differing priorities, my cable company, operator and I were always at loggerheads. In the past 3 years I have forgotten the number of times I have had to speak with the control room and management to restore the foreign channels that disappeared. At first, I was opinion that the channels were juggled around by my local cable operator but he never clarified that he did not have a hand in this matter. His subordinates are exceedingly dumb too.

So why are cable TV customers at the mercy of their cable companies? This is not the case in other countries. In the US, if one wants a channel broadcast elsewhere in the world, all you need to do is ask your cable company and pay the monthly fee. In Europe, you have tons of packages with Sky TV or Canal Plus+. No sweat. For free-to-air channels(DW-TV, TV5, NHK, Bloomberg), you don’t even need to pay anything. So why are Indian companies not offering any channels other than the dull and drab ones we already flip through? Indian government. The Govt has been dragging its feet for years on satellite TV and not allowing companies to sell set top boxes to customers. If customers were given set top boxes, individual customers could pick and choose the packages they want. Sometime in 2003, I had a really nasty argument with the control room over Bloomberg. He told me that nobody demands those channels and if I paid a few lakhs, he would broadcast it.

The next day, first thing in the morning I went to their office and chewed that f_cker to bits. Never had to deal with him again.

In august 2005, Hathway started offering set top boxes to its customers in Bangalore. Monthly fees are the same but 140 channels are available. I called my cable company the same day to inquire when they would offer set top boxes: Nov, 05. Why not sooner? It’s not technically feasible before that. I called them up in

Nov, they: dec, 05. Call up in Dec, they: It will require one more year. Monkeys working in a chaotic manner are more productive than these idiots. Pathetic.

So you might be wondering, since Hathway offers set top boxes, why don’t you take up their service? The unholy alliance, that is the cable companies are monopolies in the areas they are serving. They carved up areas of Bangalore as their “territories”. Whatever area they provide cable TV, no other company enters that area. The cable companies have an agreement between themselves. This ultimately means that the customers are the loser. The Govt had a monopoly on telecom. Enter private companies and now customer is king.
For a while, I was ready to go to court to file a PIL against these cable companies. What they have in place is a “cartel” and cartels are illegal. I have neither the time nor money to go head-on with these cable companies at this point in time. Hopefully, some open minded cable executive of a different cable company will come in and kick the butts of the incumbents. About 2 years back I had spoken to the DTH manager at Siticable(zee). Zee was then coming out with Dish TV. Right now, Dish TV offers some channels but the Star TV bouquet is missing(I watch star world.) This sector is very ripe for a change.